The Employee by joshua schwebel
About this project

Re: updates?

Camille-Zoé Valcourt-Synnott <██████████████████ > To: Josh Schwebel <privatejosh@gmail.com> Cc: Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

Hi Josh and Lauren,

I hope you're both doing well!

I've taken the time to go through all the comments and suggestions (thank you so much!! super helpful) and added a few elements. The new additions are in blue font.
Here's a link to the second version of the text: https://docs.google.com/document/#redacted 
It was challenging to come to a conclusion and end the text (or call this a "final version") so I'm totally open to more comments/suggestions and will happily go through another round of edits if needed. 

Thank you both so much and talk soon 🙂

Best,
Camille


Josh Schwebel <privatejosh@gmail.com> To: Camille-Zoé Valcourt-Synnott <██████████████████ > Cc: Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

Dear Camille,
Wonderful! Huge thanks for making these additions. I think that they improve the text and add precision to your account.
I do have two minor comments. First, do you have a title for your text? Or is your text titled as it is within the grant application text?
Second, the section where you describe your project in one sentence is a bit disconnected from the rest of the text, since it is describing my purpose for the project rather than yours. I wonder if you would be able to translate your role and motivation from within the project into that one sentence? Especially because it is the first entry in the text, it would be useful to situate who is writing. Also, since people already will know my intentions for the project, it seems otherwise repetitive.
Other than that, I made a few little suggestions for “driving your points home”, but from my side this is absolutely excellent and a great contribution to the publication.
I trust that Lauren will have her own suggestions, but also we are generally on the same page.
If you are able to take the next week to turn this around, I expect this will be ready to go to our proof-reader after that.
Thank you!
Josh

Camille-Zoé Valcourt-Synnott <██████████████████ > To: Josh Schwebel <privatejosh@gmail.com> Cc: Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

Hi Josh,

Thank you for these notes, I will make changes over the weekend and get back to you by Wednesday. 
As for the title, I'm not sure. It's kind of repetitive to have the same title as the one listed in the application so it would have to be a different title - what do you think?

Thanks!
Camille