Re: Update

Apologies for writing back to you so late.

I suffered a breakdown a few days after handing my comps due to exhaustion and overwhelming anxiety. My comps, the current situation, and my propensity to anxiety did not mix well. I had to go to the hospital and was put on meds  that basically knocked me out for a week. I have slowly been coming back to life in the last few days. Things should be getting better from here, but this whole situation is very challenging for me from a mental health point of view.

I hope you've been OK over the last few weeks. From your email, it seems like things have also been very challenging for you. I was happy to learn that you were able able to get back to Berlin. At least you are home and with your partner. 

I am also finding it difficult to cope with uncertainty and the indefinite postponement of projects and plans. I'm sorry that your show at Clark was postponed. Hopefully things will get back to some sense of normalcy by September and you can have your show in the fall? 

I was able to submit an abstract before my breakdown (attached), which I was planning on emailing you along with a response to your message but things took a different turn. The editors said that they would be providing news about the submissions sometime in May. I will keep you posted. Either way, it would be good to keep working on this project in the coming months.

Big hug.

Mariane

how horrible! I am so immensely sorry to hear that. I think I also suffered a breakdown, but I self-medicated with all-day tv and gummibears. Yours sounds much worse.

But good that you are coming out of it. Germany is sort of re-opening, but I have become accustomed to the quiet, and am actually managing quite well now that I have placed a strict moratorium on news media and facebook for all working hours. I have been doing much better, with reading, and just avoiding the world. I am not processing the future, because the rational advice side of my brain has told me that it is not helpful to worry about possible futures, and it is helpful to just deal with what is real. It's delusional, but it's working.

Further to the delusional belief in a functional future, your abstract looks great, and is very inspiring. Moreso now that I have (forced) distance from the project at Clark, it's actually nice to read your brief interpretation of the project since it reminds me of its promise.

I really hope you're figuring out techniques to hold yourself together. I really value your work and our conversations and think of you often. Sending <3 

warmly,

Josh